How Do Women Emotionally Abuse Men?
Women can be abusers too.
At points in my relationship, women have used unorthodox tools to get what and when they want out of me. Here you go, there I’ve said it. I have also witnessed more than a few women do exactly the same, and worse. Over and over again.
I’ve seen men become alcoholics, gain a significant amount of weight, cut friends and family out of their lives, change behaviour and develop severe mental health issues.
People don’t like to speak about it, but many men are victimized by emotional abuse on a daily basis.
My good friend has been recently through a very nasty divorce. They’ve been married for 5 years, and he has been living under her control for the majority of the time. When they divorced she started using their children as tools to get back to him for leaving the emotional abuse.
You see, she wasn’t like that always: 7 years ago when they entered the relationship she was captivating, funny and very intelligent. She was beautiful. He was in love. They were a strong team back then but then she changed.
She complained that he didn’t make enough money, or that he didn’t spend enough time with her, and that he didn’t do certain things right by her. Every day there was an argument initiated by her. He felt like nothing he did was right or good enough.
Soon she stopped sleeping with him, showing affection and decided that it would be best for them to move and live under her parents. Why? So she can put him down even more so. He followed her instructions.
Now he was living with her parents and was completely isolated from his friends and family. She demanded that he deletes all his social media — he did. They spent weekends with her parents doing bbq and listening to her fathers jokes. He started drinking.
Months passed and his parents asked him to loan them N3m so they can re-start their business. He had no other option than to oblige, if he didn’t his wife would be upset and there would be more arguments. You see, he just wanted to avoid arguments.
Her behaviour became so unpredictable that he felt like anything he said or did would be attacked. She started calling him names. He gained weight, so did she but he was the “fat” one. Once he left to see his sister in another city and also managed to meet up with me for a drink, his wife called him in rage, he didn’t understand why.
He left before we finished our beer. She began to lie about their kids, suddenly if he wasn’t around she used to tell him that they are sick with fever, as if his kids being sick has something to do with him staying 30 — 40 minutes late at work. He asked to work from home before it was cool.
They went to Croatia for the vacation, he paid it as always, but somehow she complained that is tired of paying for their vacations. He asked when her parents are going to return back the N3m loan — she hit him. After the divorce, things became even worse as she showed herself and became very hostile towards him, turning his children against him.
My friend was in a relationship with an emotionally abusive person who may have hidden sociopathic tendencies. The effect on him was detrimental as he became depressed and even suicidal. The worst is that he still has to deal with her because of their children.
We see these women around us too often but no one says or does anything. So many women discuss in media, press how they’ve survived emotionally abusive relationships, but we rarely see shows which speak of men victims.
It’s nearly impossible to find resources for men on how to deal with emotional abuse.
And yet each and every one of us knows at least 1 man who was or still is a victim of emotional abuse.
We know so many women who used malicious tools to control their partners: to criticize, embarrass, blame, and otherwise manipulate them. It’s very common in romantic relationships and it’s one of the hardest forms of abuse to recognize. It can be covert and manipulative.
It takes away the victims self-esteem and their true personality. The men who are being emotionally abused may:
- Be belittled, humiliated and embarrassed, feel “worthless”
- * Do everything that the partner tells them to do
- * Feel the need to do everything to please their partner
- * Have their children alienated from them
- * Feel threatened and scared
- * Be isolated from their friends and family
- * Become depressed, suicidal and change body appearance aka lose or gain significant weight
- * Indulge in destructive behaviours such as gambling, alcohol or drugs
- * Feel as if they are “losing their mind”
- * Have no self-esteem
- * Looking unwell, have issues sleeping or oversleeping
What Can Men Do?
It’s very difficult to address the emotional abuse of men because of prejudice. Feminists have made it quite hard for men to speak up and make it “believable” that women are capable of emotional abuse too. There is a massive movement in politics, media and academia that supports women who are abused by men.
That is a very good thing, but there is also prevalent abuse against men. Emotional abuse can be sometimes even worse than physical one because it doesn’t leave visible traces. If you’ve been hit by someone you can easily prove that, but if you are tortured emotionally for years it’s nearly impossible to prove to the police.
Emotional abuse, which men and women tolerate can go on for decades and leaves the victim weak and desperate and helpless.
If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up. I’ve talked to my friend on multiple occasions and have helped him find a therapist to address these issues, recently I have also introduced him to a good female friend of mine and today they are dating.
Just last week, he told me how grateful he is that I have helped him address the emotional abuse that he was experiencing and also cut down on alcohol.
People who have been emotionally abused are scared and ashamed. They need help to get out, By picking up on the signs and providing support, you can help.
Always remember — one person can make a difference.